I read this blog that was posted on Facebook about yelling, and it struck me, more like slapped me in the face. Let me start by saying, I am a self proclaimed hot head. I am not proud of it, but it is a part of me that is very dominant, I yell, more often than I care to admit. This past week my sweetheart was in Connecticut for meetings about work. I was a single mom for a whopping 2.75 days. The first day proved to be more than I could handle. Handsome hadn't left yet, I was tuckered out because I hadn't slept well, I was stressed about my volunteer position with the baseball league, and I just wanted to go back to bed. I was getting Jake's lunch ready and for whatever reason Jake snapped at me, and I lost it. I flipped, lost control, and just ripped him to pieces. I am not proud off this at all, this is all for the admission of guilt. He went to school shortly after my blow up. I took the younger two for some errands. Something set me off again, and I lost it on them. I looked in my rear view and noticed my 6 year olds eyes. I could see his heartbreak, I was crushed.
Later that afternoon, Jake called me from school, he had a massive headache. He was so polite on the phone. I picked him up early and brant him home for Tylenol and some rest. I haven't stopped thinking of the events on Tuesday since that afternoon. Jake had the look of heartbreak in his eyes. It has made me realize a few things...
1. It is never a good thing to be a hot head.
2. Being upset or irritated is never reason to lose control in anger at my children.
3. My external pressures and stress are too much, and my priorities are skewed.
4. My kids are more Important than any phone call, email, or text message.
I have done a lot of thinking this week. I need to do better. My kids deserve a better , more focused mom. So, I have made some big decisions. The first is that after this month, (baseball is over) I am going to be MOM! I have turned in my resignation to my position itch the snack bar of our baseball league. I have told the mom I tend for that I am going to stop babysitting and just focus on my little people. I need to do better, I need to stop yelling, and I really need to cut back on the external pressures that are on me. This is day 1 of my big change.
