It's been a while since I posted a whole lot. We are still here, I promise.
I'll be honest. I'm struggling a bit. I have decided to try to get off my "Happy Drugs." I have been taking medication for depression and OCD for nearly 9 years. I got off for a bit while I was pregnant with the Jokester, but after I had him, I went WACKO! I really struggled in the hospital, and BAM! Jumped right back on the medication. They don't do a whole bunch, mainly take the edge off. I am a little more pleasant, a little more patient, a little more easy going (I SAID A LITTLE !!!), but it doesn't make the whole world seem like roses! If I took more maybe it would though!
I hate being dependent on medication to handle emotions, and anxiety. It's almost like I feel weak for taking it. When you hear the statistics of how many people are on medication like me, it makes you wonder... Are there that many people with problems? or is it just an easy way out of dealing with reality????
When I first started taking the medication, I really did need it. I couldn't handle things, simple things like driving up the canyon, would send me over the edge. The anxiety was unreal! I was constantly begging Turtle to check the brakes. I washed my hands to the point they were raw. If I got a drink at the gas station, I couldn't use the first cup on the stand, I had to use the third or fourth, I mean what would happen if I got germs!!!! I couldn't bare to think of trusting Turtle to make the money... I had major control issues. MAJOR!
Fast forward to now. Do I still struggle? Absolutely. But not to the point I did before. I am on a 1/4 of the medication I was on before... and I have been for over two years. I don't think I am "CURED" by any means, but I think I am older now, and I am able to think things through a little more. I can usually think before I speak, I try to speak rationally when upset (I said TRY!) and I think I can manage life without medication.
So now, I am going through the motions of getting off. It STINKS! I mean that! IT REALLY DOES!!!! The withdrawal symptoms are TERRIBLE! It's Vertigo, times TEN! It feels like my brain is disconnected from my body. I am emotional, and edgy, and I just don't feel great. I try to go a few days without medication, then take it...etc etc. I am hoping that eventually the symptoms get better and I can go longer and longer without taking it... We shall see!
4 comments:
Angie-
I think this is wonderful, and you are strong and courageous to take this step. I wish you good luck and congratulate you! Let me know if you ever need/want a break and I'd be glad to watch your kids for ya. Have a great day! Love ya,
Andrea
good luck! knowing what you are facing is a huge step to getting it.
Oh Angie, I have been on the same type of meds for 7 years, going off is the worst. Hang in there. But if you do need to go back on them, do. Don't suffer. Someone once told me that a diebetic isn't weak for talking medicane to sustain life, niether should someone who suffers from deppresion or anxiety feel that they are weak for dong the same. Love, Mindy Brown
Wow - Angie - That has to be tough and I'm so impressed by your determination! When can we hang out this summer.. I'm now back from all my world-wide travels and we'd love to have a playdate. Would it be better for Jakers at your home or would you like to come here?
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